I struggled to write this week. It wasn’t just that my schedule got out of whack Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday due to three doctor appointments three days in a row. (Fortunately they were all regular checkups and I have been declared healthy by my dermatologist, my primary care physician, and my gynecologist.) It was also that I didn’t know what to write, and I wasn’t excited about the story I was trying to figure out.
The lack of passion is what bothers me. To know I want to write but not feel a burning desire to write is frustrating. I miss that undercurrent of emotion that was once always churning and driving me forward. I know it’s still in here. Somewhere. Buried beneath the practicalities of life that I have used as an excuse to stop pursing my big dream.
My big dream is to make a living telling and selling stories.
My current reality is that I am good at telling stories but not so good at selling them. As a result, I make a living as a claims adjuster, so I have a hard time convincing myself that chasing my storytelling dream is important. Since I don’t deem it important, I am devoid of any emotional drive to keep at it.
Nevertheless, I wrote something every day this week related to the origin of the Destroyer Bloodline. Most of it wasn’t any good, but by Friday, I felt a twinge of joy in the story I was telling.
Whether I feel like it or not, I will keep at it this coming week. And the next. And the one after that. By developing the habit of writing every day regardless of how I feel and trusting God all along the way, I believe I’ll resurrect that burning desire to write for the sheer joy of writing. Then I won’t write because I have to. I’ll write because I want to.
Furthermore, I’ll write with the understanding that dreams are important and ought to be pursued with the expectation that they will come true in the best possible way.
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